UPDATE: Michael's rewritten signs are here, and mine are in the comments to this post:
https://mleddy.blogspot.com/2019/01/how-to-improve-writing-no-79.html
1. This old sign, below, hand-painted on a shop window near my bus stop, is easy to understand.
Hm. It's clear to me, that is, but it does use regional language: this part of the USA calls a sweet carbonated drink "pop". (Here's a map of Pop vs. Soda.)
And chips are not French fries.
I love the bullet points.
(Only if I think about it is this ^ list funny: Are these the ingredients of a healthy diet?)
2. I knew at a glance what this sign, below, was trying to say, given the word "syringe" and context: it's mounted in a bathroom stall.
It's at the Mia Art Museum (a few blocks from my house, the other direction from the Groceries store), which explains the language.
An attempt at gentility?
"The management is sure you are administering medicine, not shooting up."
But if I didn't already know what the sign meant, it'd take a little work to figure out the language.
☛ Anyone want to rewrite this sign (and the one below it) for clarity?
(It would be a good candidate for Michael of Orange Crate Art's How to Improve Writing series.)
3. This wall sign is at the top of a flight of stairs leading to a new (2018), state-of-the-art YMCA.
Again, I know what they're trying to say (I think...), but in this case, if I didn't already know--say, I was an alien, or simply an Earthling who is not a native English speaker––would I be able to figure this out?
I'm guessing some committee was trying to adapt the cliché "to strive relentlessly" to fit the nonprofit YM's mission and came up with "to serve relentlessly".
I don't think it works very well, and the tense is off, anyway.
I just joined this YMCA, (because my p.t., Captain Doctor, told me to join a gym if I want an active old age), and, signs aside, it's fabulous!
There's a wind-chill advisory today. Right now, at midday, the cold wind makes 4°F feel like -18 (-7ºC). But I'm warm because I just had a swim and a whirlpool, and now I'm sitting in a coffeeshop in the atrium of the building that houses the Y.
That's the sign for the new YMCA, hanging to the right.
The walkways above, with white metal railings, are part of the Y itself--you can see people in workout clothes.
Many people are walking around without coats because we're in a hamster trail called the Skyway that connects buildings in central downtown.
So, yeah, the YM is fabulous––friendly, clean (no mildew!), and warm. I'm encouraged to try, try AGAIN to get and stay in better shape. My job has made me stronger, but it also reminds me of a car junkyard: lots of crunching and flattening going on, and no yoga at all.
But the YM's names and signs! Some are just funny, but others are annoying in their lack of usefulness. Exercise rooms are named for concepts, not location. How do I find the Fitscape, Harmony, Powerhouse "studio spaces" where I can enjoy a "fitness experience"?
Perhaps if I can find the Equity Innovation Center, they could tell me.
After all, this sign is elegant and perfectly clear:
https://mleddy.blogspot.com/2019/01/how-to-improve-writing-no-79.html
1. This old sign, below, hand-painted on a shop window near my bus stop, is easy to understand.
Hm. It's clear to me, that is, but it does use regional language: this part of the USA calls a sweet carbonated drink "pop". (Here's a map of Pop vs. Soda.)
And chips are not French fries.
I love the bullet points.
(Only if I think about it is this ^ list funny: Are these the ingredients of a healthy diet?)
2. I knew at a glance what this sign, below, was trying to say, given the word "syringe" and context: it's mounted in a bathroom stall.
It's at the Mia Art Museum (a few blocks from my house, the other direction from the Groceries store), which explains the language.
An attempt at gentility?
"The management is sure you are administering medicine, not shooting up."
But if I didn't already know what the sign meant, it'd take a little work to figure out the language.
☛ Anyone want to rewrite this sign (and the one below it) for clarity?
(It would be a good candidate for Michael of Orange Crate Art's How to Improve Writing series.)
3. This wall sign is at the top of a flight of stairs leading to a new (2018), state-of-the-art YMCA.
Again, I know what they're trying to say (I think...), but in this case, if I didn't already know--say, I was an alien, or simply an Earthling who is not a native English speaker––would I be able to figure this out?
I'm guessing some committee was trying to adapt the cliché "to strive relentlessly" to fit the nonprofit YM's mission and came up with "to serve relentlessly".
I don't think it works very well, and the tense is off, anyway.
I just joined this YMCA, (because my p.t., Captain Doctor, told me to join a gym if I want an active old age), and, signs aside, it's fabulous!
There's a wind-chill advisory today. Right now, at midday, the cold wind makes 4°F feel like -18 (-7ºC). But I'm warm because I just had a swim and a whirlpool, and now I'm sitting in a coffeeshop in the atrium of the building that houses the Y.
That's the sign for the new YMCA, hanging to the right.
The walkways above, with white metal railings, are part of the Y itself--you can see people in workout clothes.
So, yeah, the YM is fabulous––friendly, clean (no mildew!), and warm. I'm encouraged to try, try AGAIN to get and stay in better shape. My job has made me stronger, but it also reminds me of a car junkyard: lots of crunching and flattening going on, and no yoga at all.
But the YM's names and signs! Some are just funny, but others are annoying in their lack of usefulness. Exercise rooms are named for concepts, not location. How do I find the Fitscape, Harmony, Powerhouse "studio spaces" where I can enjoy a "fitness experience"?
Perhaps if I can find the Equity Innovation Center, they could tell me.
P.S. I'm not saying that clearer is always better,
or that language has gotten worse (or better).
Clarity is not a moral issue, in and of itself.
Clarity is not a moral issue, in and of itself.
After all, this sign is elegant and perfectly clear:
18 comments:
Love hand painted signs.
Oh, the poor language - the gradual erosion of its use for communication as it devolved into an instrument of obfuscation and intimidation (Aside from marketing, Rigjt and Left share the blame IMO)
devolves
SPARKER: Marketing has a lot to answer for, that's for sure!
But I personally don't see a devolution of language so much as a democratization of reading and writing: lively and messy and full of mistakes, but overall a good thing.
I mean, until really recently in human history, most people couldn't read or write at all--and certainly never got to publish, the way anyone with access to the Internet now can.
So I laugh and groan but--* political and marketing language-manglement aside* -- I am happy that so many people can write badly, publicly. :)
P.S. However, I DO think handmade signs are better than boringly uniform, perfect computer signs!!! :)
I really miss them.
And I even thought of you, Sparker, when I took the photo of the GROCERIES sign--thought you'd like it too.
You have a sunnier disposition, or a more optimistic outlook than I, for sure. Thanks
for thinking of me!
SPARKER: No, no, not optimistic:
I think humans have ALWAYS BEEN BAD!
My view is more like equal-opportunity pessimism! Everyone should get a change to express themselves, and that means there's going to be a LOT of bad writing!
I added a photo of a "WHITES ONLY" sign to my original post to make it clearer, I hope, that I didn't mean to imply people used to be better.
I love how you see things, Sparker--I mean, actual THINGS--and share photos of real "public art" (not corporate art) on your IG.
I like how Candy is just a bullet item in the category Groceries. But I think Cigarettes should be in there too.
The Y sign sounds like something from the People’s Republic.
There’s an unbearably snobbish bookstore in NYC whose bathroom door requires a quarter to unlock. Supposedly because people were shooting up. Though I don’t know how a quarter would keep anyone from shooting up — they’ll even give you a quarter at the register.
And that last sign: yeah, it’s clear. And clarity is not enough (I have issues with Orwell). I want language that’s clear and moral.
I accept the rewriting challenge (not that you were challenging me). I’ll think about these later tonight. A task!
MICHAEL: "Candy, the Most Important Grocery"
Somewhere I have a photo of a local corner grocery whose sign list includes
TACOS
CIGARETTES.
Ooooh---I am eager to read your rewrites!
I was hoping you'd take that up--(not that I was challenging you).
I will do it too--I have ideas, but didn't want to sway anyone by posting mine first.
P.S. Yes, clarity is not enough.
"Build a wall" is plenty clear, (even if the speaker often isn't).
VIVIAN: Uh... No to your insulin sign.
Humanitarian concerns aside, your re-write does not improvement on the original--adding profanity is not better writing--and the idea you propose simply digs a deeper hole.
Look, like Trump's wall, your signs would not work, for a number of reasons.
To begin with, people ignore orders that can't be enforced and simply go over, under, or around them.
Then, your proposed solution that they "shoot up in your car" doesn't take into account that many people who need insulin to live are children with Type 1 Diabetes who come to the museum on bus trips--the buses drop them off and pick them up later.
They can't shoot up in their car.
I myself don't have a car, but I could shoot up in the bushes if I needed. The children, however, are not allowed to leave their group and go off on their own, so that would not be a solution.
Picking up children who've passed out from insulin shock would be worse than the original problem--think from the museum's pov: I'm sure the board wouldn't like the public relations disaster.
I was thinking in the entirely opposite way:
to create a smoothly functioning society, it's more effective to work WITH people and their needs (and their inclinations), even if you don't like them.
Here, instead of prohibiting a life-saving practice or trying to police behavior, the museum could simply provide a SHARPS BOX where people could safely put their used needles.
Duh! How simple is that?
I looked them up:
a quart-size sharps box costs $3.
Of course they have to be thrown away, not reused, and that can be a bit of a hassle, but it'd still be far less of a hassle, and far kinder (that doesn't factor into your thinking here, but it is a key concern for many people) than dealing with people who've passed out from insulin shock.
I agree that the syringe sign is clearly aimed at, shall we say, a certain market. (Not diabetics.) And the Y sign is relentlessly, bizarrely worded! I love the hand-painted shop sign. None of those things would qualify as "groceries" in my book!
STEVE: I disagree--I don't see that the syringe sign is aimed at drug (vs. medication) users.
It's aimed at anyone who puts their sharps in the trash, where they could stab staff who take the trash out.
I'm sure diabetics do it too!
In all the years I've gone to the museum, even though it's free, I haven't seen people who are visibly homeless or poor use it the way they use the public library.
The museum has a ton of guards on constant patrol--I think they, and the general inhospitably tony feel of the place (the preciousness often makes me cringe), probably keep people out.
But for either population, as I wrote in my reply to Vivian, why not just provide sharps boxes?
It occurred to me only after revising these signs that there are probably all sorts of risks to a museum, store, etc., in giving people any way to dispose of used needles. The sign might be a form of insurance — see, we've told people not to leave them here.
MICHAEL: I never meant to bring up the issue of needle disposal, only LANGUAGE USE,
but since it has come up, you raise a good point (ha ha).
I looked it up and OSHA does have requirements for protecting employees who might be exposed to blood--
so, yeah, maybe that's why they don't offer sharps containers?
Though I see them all over, including in the art college next door, which has them in every bathroom.
I wonder. But for whatever the reason behind it, the museum's sign is poorly written!
Will you share your rewrite?
Here's mine:
Please take used sharps (needles/syringes) safely out of the building.
Do NOT put them in the bathroom trash.
Thank you!
MICHAEL: P.P.S. Oh, I see you wrote a whole post about the signs on your blog.
THANKS!
https://mleddy.blogspot.com/2019/01/how-to-improve-writing-no-79.html
Hm--looking further, providing sharps disposal in public places ISN'T such a big deal for the employer:
In fact, the FDA recommends it for employee safety:
Tips for Employers and Businesses
The risk of needle sticks, cuts and punctures from needles and other sharps is high in facilities such as airports, hotels, restaurants, and office buildings. In these places, people are more likely to throw their used needles and sharps into the trash.
Employers and businesses should consider providing sharps disposal containers in restrooms or other designated areas and make employees and guests aware of the location of the containers.
Businesses with sharps disposal containers in their restrooms may need to register with their state and/or local authorities as a "sharps collection station" because they may be considered “waste generators."
Contact your state and/or local authorities for legal requirements that apply to the waste generated on their premises."
END FDA Notes
[from here:
www.fda.gov/MedicalDevices/ProductsandMedicalProcedures/HomeHealthandConsumer/ConsumerProducts/Sharps/ucm263263.htm ]
I think the museum should have a large styrofoam human dummy (of various shapes, sizes) in each bathroom, with a sign that says, "please stab (insert) your used needles into the dummy". When each dummy is bristling like a porcupine, then they can go on display in one of the contemporary art rooms; crowded together until the room is full of drugged dummies. That would be a fitting way for a museum to safely dispose of needles and make art at the same time.
BINK: YOU WIN the Re-Visioning Prize.
That's hilarious... and wonderful: WHY does the art museum have to be so predictably stuffy and boring???
--Fresca
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