Tuesday, December 16, 2014

"This is going to be wonderful."

Boy, I don't feel that way ^ at all.
The week before winter solstice, the anniversary of my mother's death, sometimes weighs like a lead suit... It's been twelve years, and I didn't expect it to be heavy this year, but the combo of giving a lot of myself at work plus the unusually gray wet weather is depleting my cheer.

I believe in giving sadness its due but this feels more like a hungry ghost sucking my life force, not an honest sadness.

A while ago, I was muttering at work that something wouldn't turn out, a resident said, "Don't say that! Say, This is going to be wonderful!"

I usually resent people telling me to cheer up, but when someone with Alzheimer's says it, well, it gave me pause. Maybe I'll try that, I thought, and filed it away.

So, this morning, I am pulling it out and making it my mantra. And now I am heading out to the bus (rain yesterday + freezing temps overnight = bad biking).

As I wrap this up, it occurs to me, maybe I should feed the hungry ghost, even if it's an imposter of honest grief--I'm going to leave some grapes out for it---that seems like something it might like. It can make Minnesota grape salad! 

Have a wonderful day!

No, really. I'm going to try to.


The Crow said...

I've found the only person who can truly cheer me up is me...uh, should that be 'I'?

Point is, feeding the hungry ghost is a sometimes necessary thing to do in dealing with grief, no matter the source, but especially one that lives so viscerally with us, as does yours.

My mother died on 12-23-71, was buried on Christmas Day. I tell you this not for sympathy (unnecessary), but to let you know it took almost 40 years before I could face this time of year with joy instead of drowning sadness - despite my best efforts to repress it. I am okay now, and you will reach your okay point, too.

(I hear the Grief Ghosts also like a shot of brandy or ginger schnapps and a decadent chocolate bon-bon or two. That was my experience, anyway.)

Be kind to yourself during the Hungry Ghost season, and it just might turn out wonderful. Take care, friend.

Frex said...

Your kindness brings tears to my eyes, Crow.
The roots of the word "sympathy" mean "fellow feeling" and I thank you for extending it, as a motherless friend.

... and, I am happy to report, the day turned out pretty OK, which is close enough to "wonderful" for me.

Ginger schnapps! The Hungry Ghosts are hopping around in the background promising they will be every so slightly more cheerful if they get some---I must go shopping asap. :)
(Really---a friend is taking me to Costco this evening--she's a member and I go with her every so often to stock up on t.p. and heavy stuff like dish- and laundry soap--I shall stop and see if I can find some of this wonderful-sounding stuff.)

Bless you.

Zhoen said...

Or if the ghost wants to give you something... . I got a shopping cart full of lumber. Whatever form it takes, when you see it, you'll know who it's from.

Frex said...

I *really* love that idea, Zhoen, and shall kee my eyes open for a gift of some sort.

Another friend said something similar at the funeral of a dear old friend of mine a few years ago--that she encouraged me to be watchful over the next space of time.

I thought it was nice but a little woo-woo; however when I was walking around the lake a few days after the funeral, a tag with a big bold number 8 on it stared up at me from the walk.
My dead friend identified with the 8, liking that turned sideways it's the symbol of infinity, and she had 8s all over her home.

I picked that tag up and have it propped up on my bookshelf--I can see it from where I write, a reminder of my friend, and infinity...

Fresca, signed in as Frex

Lady Chardonnay said...

My friend, I am so sorry that you're feeling pain during this relentlessly "happy" time of year. I echo the suggestion to be especially kind to yourself. Also, do not hesitate to ask for help or a little kindness when you need it. Our human connections are what will save us in the end, and allowing another person to be a giver is in itself a gift. Sending many warm and loving thoughts your icy way!

Fresca said...

Thank you, Lady C!
I had given up buying wine a few weeks ago, but for this season, I decided a big bottle of Chardonnay was acceptable. :)
Sending best wishes to you around your dad's birthday too.