Tuesday, July 6, 2010

A Surge of Love for the Rich Soil of Blogging

I salute you, O fellow toilers in the fields of the blogosphere!(Actually, I'm shading my eyes... I wanted to get a shot of the "Captain" on the door of what I think was an old police station.)

i. Not Such a Bad Blogger After All

I've been feeling like a Bad Blogger ever since I started work on the French and Indian War this past spring. Once I'm working on some other writing project, I go a bit slack on writing posts.

Ideally, I'd like every post to be a little nugget of wonderfulness, though I accept that most of them will be merely serviceable. Which is OK, but when the ratio of brain power to available time gets too much out of balance, it's frustrating.
I've been wondering if I should just stop blogging.

Then I opened a Facebook account yesterday.
FB is okay--I'm not putting it down--it's just an entirely different thing than the blogosphere. It's like the difference between walking into a crowded party and sitting down with a friend at a coffee shop.

Facebook seems like it could be a lot of fun.
I feel like I'm confessing to heresy, here, but the thing is, for me, fun is not the highest good.
I don't really want *takes deep breath* to be entertained.

I can rev myself up to be engaging and amusing at parties. People have even told me I could hire myself out as one of those party-enliveners. But in fact, I don't much like parties, except to celebrate special occasions (especially ones that call for cake and martinis).
Socializing in groups, for me, is work. Labor. The output usually exceeds the input. Even if I have fun, and I often do, I have to go home and recover.

So, blogging fits me much better. Being on FB is like spending time someplace that doesn't really suit you: you're grateful to come home.
I'm swooning over blogging all over again. The fact that I blog at all, even at quarter-strength, seems wondrous to me. And I'm grateful for you all too, who write--and read!--blogs.

ii. Lonely

Writing comes with costs too, of course.
Like, lately I've been lonely. I'm spending all this time reading and thinking (or, staring into space, mostly) about communication history, and that means I'm alone in my mind a lot.

I meet with friends pretty often, but that's not the same as the default companionship that comes with living with someone, or with having family around you. I don't have much family, besides bink. My mother was my main family, and after her death, what remains is ... let's say, marshy ground. A marsh is a wonderful ecosystem, but you can't find a lot of places to sit.

Lonely is not a bad thing, it's just one state of being. I'm aware I could avoid it.
I spent the other evening with a single friend who is immensely social. I asked her if she's ever lonely. She got quiet.
"I think I stay so busy I never have to feel that," she said.

Facebook is so sociable and friendly--I already have 23 friends, right off the bat--I think it could alleviate loneliness.
But, I don't know...
I see a theme in this blog of me defending (to my own self) loneliness, grief, laziness...
These are low, slow, dark states of being (virtues, even). They are like compost.
I'm always defending them because around me I mostly see lauded the bright, swift, and airy-- the happy blooms in the breeze (or worse, the "you snooze, you lose" mentality)--and I thrash it out with myself every so often, feeling I'm wrong-headed.

Blogging, for me, is in the slow, low realm.
Facebook looks to me like a beach in the sun.
I will visit it, but I really work best in the dark.


ArtSparker said...

I find being alone rich ground for months at a time, until the shorter periods when I realize, "Oh no! I'm alone!" and freak out. It's not an either/or thing (and if you read my response to your comment, you'll know I'm being repetitive).

Fresca said...

Yes, that's me too---for a long time, I'm quite content. Just lately I've been freaking a bit. : )
But if I take deep breaths, it is OK, because I really do feel I'm in the right place.
And, of course, I'm not really alone, alone, alone.

Anonymous said...

Hmm...I'm with you, grrrrll/sistah. In the swamp the air the water the glop--preferably not of the petrochemical variety. Call me when you're ready or email for a cybernatter. i don't know if I'll get to facebook in this lifetime. I'm still workin' on shit that needs to be done in the homenyardngarden spheres, but can be pulled away or joined up with, the energy here is peaceful and the elm is cooling us off. I'll wait to hear from you, or you can stip by most days after noon hour I'm back here. I'll make time for Frescatime.

Love You in All the Elements!


rr said...

Like a truffle. (That whole in the dark thing.)

I think efforts should be made to find a martini made with truffle vodka.

Margaret said...

O Captain of Blogging, Defender of Compostable Virtues, and Connections Extraordinaire!

"I don't really want to be entertained" my Shat-reflex piped up
"but Bill wants to entertain you!"

Hey, what if Facebook is actually the Book of Life?
Like, when you die, they look you up, and if you're not there . . .

"How many times were you presented with the Truth of Facebook, and yet rejected this free gift?
Only a fool says in his heart 'there is no social networking' "

and then the lever and the long fall.

Why do I reject the free gift?

Because Bill isn't on Facebook;
I mean, is paradise paradise without William Shatner?!

I'm going where he's going!

and that is why I do not have fb.
Sort of.

I just don't want to be connected to the point that I know when a kid from my 10th grade Spanish class is going to the beach.

In any case, it is fascinating as a human creation.

"Lonely is not a bad thing"
for someone reason puts itself in the same camp as
"things don't really get solved" and refreshes me.

Fresca said...

STEF: Steftime under the peaceful elm--sound good!

RR & MRET: The Defender of Compostable Virtues Truffle, c'est moi!

Clowncar said...

I'm on FB, and it's a different creature entire. It's the front yard, with the nicely trimmed lawn and the orderly gate.

Blogs are the back yard. Where the broken toys are strewn. Where the scrap lumber is kept. Where the garden grows.

I remember talking to you at a party once, and you were pretty entertaining.

Lill said...

I don't know if FB works for everyone to combat loneliness, but it works for me. Glad to have you rejoin the party.

Fresca said...

CLOWN: Your description matches my experience so far (all 3 days of it).
I've always been a backyard type, but I'm finding I'm enjoying FB:
it reminds me of my Southern relatives, sitting on the porch chatting.

I remember talking to you about the Band Box (not sure if it was at a party or what) and thinking it was very cool you were a cook at such a greasy dive (that's a compliment, if you're a back-yarder!).
I must go eat there one day soon, and take pictures to post for old time's sake.

LIL: Yes, thanks, as I say, I am enjoying it. It need not be either/or, after all. We have a front and a back yard.