Count to THREE

A student came up to me smiling yesterday and said, "THREE".
He, mostly non-speaking, had constructed his own way to ask me for a 3-second hug.

This student is lovely--appears childlike (loves Bob the Builder etc.)-- but is starting to experience teenage hormones, and his frequent hugs are getting longer, clingier, and sometimes “inappropriate" (with women), so some won't hug him anymore...

He doesn't understand that rejection and is visibly sad, so I came up with a game plan:
a 'count-to-three' hug--“one, two, three”--then a high-five, then a fist bump.
He seems very happy with that, and now asks for it.

I think I have good instincts for this work. Even though I don't know teaching tricks, especially those specific to neurodivergence, I can make up ones that often work.

Anyway, I'm shocked to see tactics some teachers who DO have training resort to. The other day (I might have mentioned), in annoyance, a teacher grabbed a student by the shoulders and moved them.
WUT?

I mean, this isn't "abuse", but it's a failure of communication and a breach of physical trust. I can see this student is wary of this teacher--so would I be!

I myself had actually grabbed a student by their backpack to redirect them when they were going the wrong way, in my first weeks.
The student was very angry--"Don't touch my backpack!"

I apologized sincerely.
"You're right," I said. "I apologize! I shouldn't have touched your backpack, and I promise I won't do it again."

I feel lucky that he accepted that and has seemed entirely fine and friendly with me since. In fact, he's the kid who picked up a pencil for me last week.

Some mistakes are repairable, hopefully, but you gotta repair them.
The teacher who grabbed the student by the shoulders didn't act as if she'd done anything wrong. And yet, imagine if a student did what she did. Shouldn’t we grown ups have the same standards for ourselves—or, rather, higher ones?
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Somewhat related--the idea of having another way to do things--I recently read this about skydiving:

After you jump out of the plane, you pull a cord to release the parachute. Then you look up to check that all the strings to the parachute are in the right place.

If even one string got caught over the top of the parachute, you have to cut yourself free. (There's a release toggle.)
Then you open your reserve parachute.
It's counter-intuitive because the parachute will seem to be functioning... but it will not land you right.

Grabbing a student might feel good at the moment––the kids can be frustrating and slow––but you're setting yourself up for failure at the end.
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Finally, before I go to work--
I have started to dress a little nicely for school. One teacher I admire dresses like a slob, so that works--but I see a couple other teachers I admire wear slightly dressy clothes (the male librarian wears jeans and a dress shirt & tie), and I like that.

For myself, I feel like the message I'd like to send is:
You students are worth it for me to bother dressing grown-up and nice for.

I just mean casual nice: sometimes wearing a top that's not a T-shirt!And this weekend I bought some silver earrings that look like the moon.
This is what I wore yesterday--here, in the staff bathroom: