Friday, October 1, 2021

Hallmark Horror

Being on the shore of Lake Superior was restorative, as always.
But because autumn leaves = high tourist season, all the cheap motels in town were booked, and Marz and I stayed in a Tiny House airbnb in the woods, 30 miles from the lake.

Driving there through the tidy, touristy area, Marz commented that it was like a setting for a Hallmark movie.

Oh no.
Hallmark movies frighten me.
Behind all those mittened hands cradling mugs of steaming hot chocolate I always imagine the Stepford Wives or Get Out.

Ice tea on a rustic patio? RUN!!!


Sure enough, the signboard announcing the village near the airbnb read, A Family Community. I read "family" as code for "None welcome but 'decent, upright, white, Christian, law-abiding folk'".

(Also from Get Out, the Black housekeeper who says of her supposed white employers, "They treat us like family.")

And down the road from the airbnb flew a black, white, and blue flag:

"Those who fly the flag have said it stands for solidarity and professional pride within a dangerous, difficult profession and a solemn tribute to fallen police officers.
But it has also been flown by white supremacists, appearing next to Confederate flags..."

--"The Short, Fraught History of the 'Thin Blue Line' American Flag"
I can imagine how people who live comfortably in fairly affluent, homogenous places that jibe with the dominant culture like this Family Village can see places like George Floyd Square as monstrous, and the people there as barbarians who the upright police have no option but to pin down.

But to me, it's Family Village's seeming lack of awareness of the complexities of other people's lives that is threatening––
like a Procrustean
Pinterest board where realities that don't fit the ideal are lopped off.

(Horror stories often trade on those unwelcome realities residing right within the communities themselves:
"The call is coming from inside the house.")

Anyway, the comments in the guest book at the airbnb praised the place with actual references to Pinterest and Hallmark movies. Marz was a little mad at me for laughing so hard when she read the comments out loud.

I wasn't really mocking the commenters themselves, though, as much as I was laughing at the contrast with my own life.
It was surreal.

(Well, maybe I was laughing at the comment that the rain on the roof was like a little cherry on the sundae.)
____________
[An Aside]

Have I mentioned that Ass't Man went to a wedding of old friends from college recently? And that he was struck by the contrast too?

"Someone was complaining that the place was out of turmeric water," he told me. "Turmeric water! It cost seven dollars! I wanted to invite them to visit our neighbors across the street, who don't even have running water... But later I tasted the turmeric water, and I have to say, it was really good."

"Of course it was really good," I said. "That's the point. Everybody should get the good stuff."

[End Aside]
_____________

The feel of the airbnb itself was friendly though. A couple gay couples had commented in the guest book. Gay people like Pinterest too.

No. What really freaked me out there was... the twigs.
Twigs!

The sound of twigs breaking in the middle of the night--now that's horrifying. It kept me awake, on high alert.

I almost left the next morning, but Penny Cooper said she liked it there. "It's nice."
And really, it was nice, like turmeric water, if you like that sort of thing.
I'd rather be in a city.

6 comments:

gz said...

Leaving one's comfort zone is good once in a while..but you can be too far out!!

That flag is chilling. Not in a good way.

Michael Leddy said...

“Family” means one kind of family — ugh.

When we moved to the house we live in, we were totally freaked out by the quiet at night. Now we’re pretty much accustomed to it. But the quiet does weirdly call attention to random noises.

Linda Sue said...

I have watched "Get Out" at least twenty times. It is my go to when I need a jolt. We live in the cheese part of the sandwich, up the hill are the zillion dollar homes, republicans and entitled people- a street below us toward the bay are the chickens in the yard folks- I rarely walk on the uphill side, it is so uncomfortable. Your adventure sound a little bit uphill , thank goodness for Cooper and her nonjudgmental sense of the world. She likely thinks the "flags' are just material for making things like useful tents and table cloths.

bink said...

The only way I could ever live in the country would be to have many big dogs to protect me: from all the breaking twigs...and family value communities. All that quiet is hard to get used to, and not very relaxing. I never sleep well when I camp...

River said...

I have never seen Get Out nor even heard of it. I have watched many Hallmark Christmas movies and there's not many I like. They're just too, too, too something. Happiness, cookies, bright red cheeks as far as the eyes can see. Far too sugary.
I don't think breaking twigs would keep me awake, although someone trying to bash the door in might.

Sarah said...

You and Marz made me laugh (although obviously what you are saying has a serious side) I had to look up Hallmark movies as I didn't realise there was such a thing. They are the same company as make the cards so that is why I had heard of them, though I don't think I have ever bought a Hallmark card, as they tend towards the same twee side of things as the films.