Fresh Bear, Glum Me

I finished restoring Mr Bear today--stuffed and sewed him up. 

I'll walk him home tomorrow--Mr Bear lives a couple miles away. That'll be my big outing of the day!
He's not a dramatic looking Before & After case. The dramatic change is to his feel--he was a solid lump, now he's squishy and mobile. I like him a lot.

In truth, I liked Mr Bear's old weight--he had heft. His new stuffing is fabulously mobile and soft, but it lacks gravitas.
Still, he's a much more pleasant bear to touch now.

I'm glad I did a kindness (Mr Bear's owner had offered to pay, but I said no)--otherwise I'm a bit aimless and glum today.
That's a sane response to a hard time. 
It's been five weeks since I worked my last shift at the thrift store on March 17, the same day the restaurants and other non-essentials closed.

I'm not bored---there's plenty of entertainment (reading, sewing, writing, etc.)--but I'm not being of immediate use, and that's hard. 
It's hard that some people have to take all the active risks, while the rest of us can only help by NOT doing things.
Free-floating nothingness---that's difficult for the humans.

(Of course some of us are suffering, sick and dying. I'm happy to suffer doing nothing (in order to help stop/reroute that). And it seems Minnesota's response is working to slow the spread.) 

I could use a project, but I'm fresh out of excellent ideas that I'm motivated to do. 
I'm out of cool fabric to make masks. I could use old pillow cases and the like, but it's feels kind of pointless to sew boring masks that won't bring joy to the wearer--and viewer. You can wear a scarf just as well.

Oh--another useful thing I did today:
I baked a ham using a recipe from Krista (thanks!) with a free Easter ham work gave us (dropped it off at worker's houses).
I wouldn't have bothered but HM and her son who's staying here (till June?) can eat it too.

The pineapple glaze has ginger and garlic in it: www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/pineapple-glazed-ham-106782
The ham was not bone-in, and the only mustard in the house is yellow––so, it's not the best ham ever.
I blame the pandemic--normally I'd have biked to the store for Dijon, but I don't want to shop for just one thing.
.
I also took the dog out, but instead of our usual long walk by the lake, I only had the oomph to go a couple blocks. We went past the closed library, and I felt sad.
Eight local libraries are offering curbside pick up now--how brilliant is that? I wish ours would, but it's a very small branch so I doubt it will.
I don't need books, but I'd like the exchange.

Two more weeks until this round of stay-at-home ends on May 4. I hear speculation it will be extended again, as it probably should be.

I don't know... 
I'm going to be a good Buddhist (I'm not a Buddhist) and just sit with these feelings and let them be. 
The weird feelings have a right to be here--in fact, they only make sense. Accepting the weirdness and the weird feelings that go with it is a good place to start.

I thought maybe the girlettes could do a pandemic play or something, but interestingly, they say they don't want to:
"We're busy." 
Ha. They are "busy" looking out the window!
I always feel better when I check in with them.

(They always say this sort of "no" to suggestions that they make a book too. However, I'm thinking I'll collect photos of them from throughout the seasons and make a calendar in late fall for 2021.)

So.
It's okay to feel uncomfortable.

Feeling glum?
Okay, then.
Feel glum well.