Sunday, November 2, 2014

All Souls' Day

Today is All Souls' Day, the beginning of the month of the dead in the Catholic calendar. 
My mother is my favorite soul. Here she is, below, wearing sunglasses at my brother's wedding because she'd doped herself up to her eyeballs in order to attend. She spent most of her time in her hotel room, ordering pancakes from room service. 

I'm on the far right. I hadn't wanted to come either. I'd asked my brother if attendance was optional.
He'd said no. (Lesson: don't ask.)

L to R: sister, brother, mother, me, at my brother's wedding 
(1996? –97? God, I don't even remember.)
All these people are not dead, to be remembered on All Souls' Day. Only my mother. 

I had this photo up for years. bink took it, and I think she caught some of the Monty Pythonesqueness of Family: everyone engaged with someone off camera but not with one another... It could cause pain, but mostly I just feel affection.
Also, I like my hair.

The ceremony was in southern CA, where the bride is from, "by the ocean": basically in a parking lot (for boats). The grass was some plant that grows green spikes under adverse conditions. 

It was the first time we'd come together in 20ish years, kids and parentsand it would be the last time until my mother's funeral some five years later, if that counts.

I don't imagine we'll get together again. I certainly wasn't willing to try again when my sister got married in San Francisco a few years ago. I know she was displeased, but I didn't ask for permission.

When I meet family of people with dementia at work, and I see they haven't made the switch to the new reality, I can relate. My mother didn't have dementia, but she did slowly disintegrate (the sunglasses didn't fool anybody), and none of us could really get in synch with that. 

I'm meeting friends at the basilica where I used to go, to go out for breakfast after Mass. There's a Book of the Dead set up for the month; I'll write my mother's name in.


Zhoen said...

Weddings are such a trial, dunno why people keep doing them. D and I have promised each other not to attend anymore, after the last mandatory one (his brother's first).

Did the aforementioned marriage work out?

Your hair was indeed, lovely. Although I think you are more approachable with the grey in a ponytail. But that's probably just me projecting my own preferred look.

deanna said...

I like your hair, too. It's good you have that picture; there's a lot to it.

Fresca said...

ZHOEN: When I was a sacristan at the basilica I mentioned, I worked a lot of weddings, and they were genuinely agreed among church workers to be the most stressful events.
Most people far preferred funerals.
(No brides.)

My brother and his wife have indeed lasted, and have really been there for each other through some terrible trials in each one's lives.
We are not in touch, so I don't know the details, but they seem to be a very strong couple.

Thanks for the vote for my hair as it is now. I fretted about having long gray hair for a while, but I like having it so much, I decided to stop fretting. It's nice to know someone actively likes it too!

DEANNA: There really is a lot in that photo, isn't there. After I looked at it some more, I went back into the post and added the line about Monty Python!

bink said...

Your hair is so dark there!

I think your mother was interacting with me, even though the rest of you weren't aware I was taking a picture. She was always ready to do a star turn for the camera. :-)