LEFT: Me, disheveled at Bob's, where I started this blog three years ago today.
A few random thoughts.
When I started, it'd been almost five years since my mother killed herself, and I was still dragging her death around. It's fallen away somewhat, and I can see her again, the person, unobscured by her death.
I dreamed I saw her recently. She looked at me, smiled, said, "Hello, Francesca."
It was stunning. I hadn't heard her voice in almost eight years, and there it was.
Last week, my Frindian ms came back from the editor, who took out much of what I thought was most interesting. (Too gory, too many Indians. WTF?) I lobbied to keep some of it in, but the publisher has the final say, so I don't know.
I'm not really liking writing on assignment. Even though the topics (now, the history of communications) are interesting, it's like writing with blinders and hobbles.
I'm meeting with a couple friends next Sunday with the idea of forming a writing group, especially to encourage one another to send our writing out for publication. Not sure this would ever be lucrative, but maybe I'd rather do nonwriting paid work that leaves my brain free so I can just write here.
I like myself as a blogger.
I like other bloggers.
(Facebook, not so much, though bink's DVD to ART project proves how effective it is as a communication tool.)
I like being middle-aged. A lot.
Despite the usual ups and downs, I am calmer, more sure in myself. I go off (e.g. when the pastor fired bink, a real Sicilian rage blew through) but I come back to center sooner--clear about what I think and feel, not so buffeted by the winds of emotion, and therefore more able to do what I want.
This is great! It's like farming in the Dust Bowl--you want your fertile top soil to stay on the ground so you can use it, not always be up in the air.
It's not a loss of passion, it's a gain of clarity.
Going to donate blood for the second time this Saturday. You may remember, I almost fainted twice the first time. It's a disgusting feeling, nothing like graceful movie fainting. But it's such a good thing to do, I'll do it again.
Captain Kirk would.
Thinking about turning fifty in March... want to write more about that. But not now. I'm writing a couple indexes and later I'm meeting bink at the art college to film her cutting slits into the DVDs on a bandsaw. I hope to create a little documentary of this whole project.
Oh! Jut yesterday, some business-owners gave bink free use of a wonderful empty storefront (in the Uptown) to build and show her project!
A big space with lots of windows, ...perfect for an opening night party.
Will keep you posted.
Happy Birthday to l'astronave. Thank you all for being here.