Veiled Requests

I love when people decorate their homes with anything--a pot of flowers at the door, handkerchief ghosts in trees, bat lights...

I got up in the deep dark this morning--at what I thought was a very early hour but turned out to be 7 a.m. Not early at all! Everyone driving to work could've enjoyed my bat lights if they'd been on--so this week before Halloween I'll leave them on all night. 

Two coworkers have said they'll dress up on Tuesday. Yesterday I got a strange, fuzzy, homemade, raccoon pillowcase that I will try to turn into a costume. Even if only a couple of us dress up, it'll be a lift.

I. Talk This Way

The mood at work is good.
I'm not the only one who's finding the presence of Dalton + the absence of Ass't Man = a positive.
A trio of volunteers who've been coming for years let me know they're glad Asst Man is gone––he'd alienated them by instructing them without taking their experience into account––and Manageress pointedly said that Dalton is not only efficient, but she is "peaceful".

Unlike AM, Dalton is not on a crusade to Instruct and Improve People (though she told me she's shocked at the store's mismanagement).
No one likes being Improved for Your Own Sake without your say-so.

Dalton did give me a tip for improvement though. I'd told her that three separate coworkers had not helped me lift something heavy when I'd asked. I was giving that as an example of our workplace culture. Everyone for themself.

She said, "That's because you say, 'Would you...?' Don't say that. Say, 'I need...'"

"Like, 'I need you to help me'?" I said.

"No. 'I need you to do this.'"

I've been trying out this "need" phrase.
It works.
But I don't like it. I'm going to stick with my way, but work on accepting that my coworkers hear would you help? as a genuine question.

Life works better if I have different scripts at hand that match various people and situations.
Obvious enough on the surface, but it gets more complex in emotional relationships.
I was thinking about how HouseMate never talked to me about what she wanted or needed, instead she sabotaged things physically---like setting up her computer on the dining room table when I came home from house sitting, rather than saying she felt cramped for space and that our arrangement wasn't working for her.

Her style got her point across alright, but over the almost-three years we lived together, it also destroyed any trust I had in her: what she said in words might be, often was, unsaid by her actions.
When I moved out, she said, "Isn't it great we're still friends after living together?"
In fact, I've avoided seeing her since. (Because when I was direct with her in the past, that had NOT worked well.)

Upshot: if I ask my coworkers for help, I will accept that to them, that's a question.
If I ask a question, I'm going to accept––without resentment (that's key!)––that the answer may be no.

II. Something to Read

I look at news headlines most days--often at the Guardian––"Is it World War III yet?" (pretty much)––but I don't usually read the articles because they're an onslaught of horror.

Looking around for something smart & relevant––and free––that I would read in-depth, I found JSTOR Daily, https://daily.jstor.org, which, as you may already know, "provides context for current events using scholarship found in JSTOR, a digital library of academic... material. " (JSTOR stands for Journal Storage.)
Like so:

III. Cat foster?

Finally, I miss the cats I used to sit. Two have left town, some have died, (some I didn't like the owners or their house), one I still sit.
But I don't want new clients because I love my home and don't want to leave (unlike when I was living with HouseMate and welcomed weeks- or even months-long sits).

I don't want to own a cat though, because it's just me--I wouldn't feel right leaving the cat alone so much. But it occurred to me I could look into fostering a cat. So I'll check that out. (Anyone done that?)

Possible problem: friends like bink who are allergic...