That's what came to me as I stood on a boulder on the shore of Lake Superior, north of Duluth, watching a bird dive into the icy water.
My life has changed a lot in the last couple years:
I moved this year, and I started at the thrift store two years ago (this month).
I've sometimes felt panicked at the discomforts that come with change (not to mention the ones that come anyway).
Moving, I felt homeless;
living with a housemate, I've felt socially overstimulated.
At work, I've felt angry and frustrated with some (mis)management, and despairing at the poverty and injustice I see.
Friends and family have been difficult for me sometimes--imagine that!
On top of that, I've been unhappy with some of the ways I've reacted--too quick to take the bait, too ready to jump to judgement.
However, I'm also proud of and take hope from a bunch of times I've not bitten the hook, times I've sidestepped the hole, and times I've remembered that the way out of a rattan finger trap is to MOVE TOWARD the tension.
Last week I got into a kerfuffle on email with my sister that ended with her doing a flounce:
"If you want to talk, contact me." *mic drop*
My usual reaction is to think, Well, I don't want to talk. I'm fine with going six months before I see you again.
But this time I thought, OMG, how childish we are being. We are going to be dancing this dance when we're ninety years old if we don't do something different.
So I paid $25 overnight shipment to mail her a red hair doll. (She has one, and she wanted another to give to a friend.) She just lives across town.
She sent me an email titled Love at First Sight, with a photo of the two dolls.
So, I do feel that sometimes it's okay to "lose", rather than retreating to the comfort of Being in the Right.
Like with the rattan finger trap, it can be liberating not to resist discomfort.
"It's alright to be uncomfortable."
My life has changed a lot in the last couple years:
I moved this year, and I started at the thrift store two years ago (this month).
I've sometimes felt panicked at the discomforts that come with change (not to mention the ones that come anyway).
Moving, I felt homeless;
living with a housemate, I've felt socially overstimulated.
At work, I've felt angry and frustrated with some (mis)management, and despairing at the poverty and injustice I see.
Friends and family have been difficult for me sometimes--imagine that!
On top of that, I've been unhappy with some of the ways I've reacted--too quick to take the bait, too ready to jump to judgement.
However, I'm also proud of and take hope from a bunch of times I've not bitten the hook, times I've sidestepped the hole, and times I've remembered that the way out of a rattan finger trap is to MOVE TOWARD the tension.
Last week I got into a kerfuffle on email with my sister that ended with her doing a flounce:
"If you want to talk, contact me." *mic drop*
My usual reaction is to think, Well, I don't want to talk. I'm fine with going six months before I see you again.
But this time I thought, OMG, how childish we are being. We are going to be dancing this dance when we're ninety years old if we don't do something different.
So I paid $25 overnight shipment to mail her a red hair doll. (She has one, and she wanted another to give to a friend.) She just lives across town.
She sent me an email titled Love at First Sight, with a photo of the two dolls.
So, I do feel that sometimes it's okay to "lose", rather than retreating to the comfort of Being in the Right.
Like with the rattan finger trap, it can be liberating not to resist discomfort.
I love the idea of moving toward the tension, and the rattan finger trap is a great visual. Unfortunately, it's easier said than done, right? But good on you for mailing the doll to your sister!
ReplyDeleteSTEVE: TOO TRUE: it is easier said than done!
ReplyDeleteBut as I do it more often at midlife, it's getting a little easier--or, at least I'm remembering it's even an option more often.