Monday, May 21, 2018

Monday: Mission & Meaning

Mission and meaning, mission and meaning?
Why did have such a familiar cadence?

Yesterday I was putting together a "content calendar" for the thrift store's social media plan--one theme for every day of the week, as a guide for daily posts---and I made Monday "mission and meaning."

This morning I woke up thinking "MUSIC AND MEANING"--from Howard's End! The movie version of EM Forster's novel.

 Above: Samuel West as Leonard Bast and Helena Bonham Carter as Helen Schlegel

It's mocked---a public talk on "Music and Meaning"--I don't quite get the social implications behind the mockery of the [lower-] middle classes pursuing culture. 
Was it sort of like mocking self-help? 

(Self-help is easy to mock, of course, with its "no-bake recipes" approach to psychology, and the people who go deep into it, easier. But it's also a great idea to do practically anything, so far as I'm concerned, to try almost anything to get some insight into one's interior workings.) 

Anyway, my brother used to go around saying "Music and Meaning" in a plummy voice, and I'm sure that's why I used a variation on it for my social media plan.

I spend 12 hours writing it yesterday--and I made an example post for each day. 

For Monday, I made an online poster >
of a quote from the founder of the Society of SVDP, Frederic Ozanam (French, 1813-1853):

"To become better, do a little good."

I easily fall prey to Big Picture Paralysis, so I love exhortations to do just some LITTLE thing--and reassurance that that's all I HAVE to do.

Which is often the case--grand gestures are rarely called for.
"I can't make a tapestry, but I can sew a stitch" --that sort of thing.

Anyway--my proposal is that they hire me to oversee a social media presence, piggybacking on how I'm already starting online sales for them on eBay and Craigslist.

I'm still a volunteer at this point, but they've said they'll put me on the payroll in the next quarter. All very vague--
I don't know if this will be a job-job, or pocket change. 

I'm happy to do it--if I didn't need money, I'd do it for free--(I did the social media plan for free--entirely under my own steam)--that's a good sort of job to have...

I'm also taking on Conflict Management for myself.
I realized that my fear of conflict and some past disasters with bad managers have made me want to avoid situations where conflict is possible---
and that's EVERY situation that involves humans!

As my job coach said, when I talked to her about it,
"There are no 'difficult people.' People are difficult."

(I kind of love her.)

And she suggested I join an EBT (emotional behavioral therapy)  group for dealing with dealing with people.

 "It's hard to change patterns of 50 years," she said, "but knowing that this is a problem, you are halfway there. You need commitment and perseverance.
And you will feel very uncomfortable."

Ha. Yes. I already feel very uncomfortable!
Learning to tolerate feeling uncomfortable---that's the real key for me.

Looking up conflict management, I realize I DO know how to handle conflict, generally, fairly well.
It's the emotional kickback afterwards that I try my hardest to avoid---the tossing and turning all night, agonizing over how it could have gone differently, feeling embarrassed or afraid of fallout... 
Ugh. Hate that.

But how to work with humans and avoid it?
Not possible.

If I can't get rid of them, at least I want to learn to withstand those icky feelings better.
One little step at a time.


Marz said...

I'm interested in this too as I do my little sidewalk performances. Someone I know vaguely from work saw me dancing today and crossed the street. Feels a little rattling but then I thought: I just don't need to invest mine/their discomfort with a negative or positive spin. It's just uncomfortable, not good or bad. And in the grand scheme of things, maybe it's not even uncomfortable! Good luck to us both in exposure therapy

Fresca said...

Yes---"in the grand scheme of things, maybe it's not even uncomfortable!"

I watched a TED talk about tolerating uncomfortable feelings, and the psychologist points out that some of what's uncomfortable is the physical sensation of the stress and other hormones moving through our bodies.
But, as with panic attacks, they don't actually harm us, physically (at least not in an acute way at the time)---we can just ride out the waves.

Thinking of it as surfing the feelings helps me disconnect from interpreting them as "unpleasant"---or, right, as you say, "good or bad."

The chemistry of the agitated feeling of happiness is the same as the chemistry of worried excitement (I think)--that tingliness...
Naturally their causes are not the same!
But, again, if I want to ride out the one, it helps me to remember there are times I find that tingly feeling pleasant.

Ha, to your coworker---OTHER people's discomfort can be uncomfortable.
This is where I want to always remember that Polish saying:

Fresca said...

P.S. I like that term, Exposure Therapy.

Captain Kirk is climbing a mountain...