Thursday, February 19, 2009

That's just wrong.

"Engage, a fragrance by Jean-Luc Picard," from Bob Mitchell.
No, that's not wrong--it's not even such a bad idea, if it were real.
Read on. lists upcoming Star Trek merchandise, to accompany the release of the new movie (May 8).
Star Trek Monopoly sounds like fun. Star Trek pajamas for adults? Sign me up.
But Star Trek fragrances?
We-e-e-e-ll [looks dubious]... maybe . . .
But with these names? "Tiberius," "Pon Farr," and "Red Shirt."

Did they ever watch the show?

If you've read this far, you probably already know Tiberius is James T. Kirk's middle name--never a good name in the first place, as Tiberius was a great Roman general but "the gloomiest of men," according to Pliny the Elder-- fans like to change it to "Tomcat." (And you know what they smell like.)
Pon Farr, of course, is the Vulcan rut, when the Vulcan male has to mate or die. I guess this is the best of the lot, even if Pon Farr only occurs once every 7 years...
And Red Shirt translates to "Kick Me"--he's the poor schmuck who's not coming back from the planet with the team he beamed down with.

So, let me think. What would be good Trekkie names for men's cologne? (I assume these are for men!) I don't know... How 'bout, off the top of my head, Command? Bold. Cool Blue. Sensor. Guardian. "I Canna Do It, Captain!" (Maybe not.)
Bones? [snort]
Plomeek Soup?
Oh, dear...
Think of some more?


momo said...

Transported (beam me up, baby)

Fascinating (captain)

fresca said...


"Slash" (well, that would be a woman's perfume)

bink said...

If I remember my "Lives of the Caesars" correctly, Tiberius was a very dirty old man who did things with very young boys. Ewww....icky.

Why not play off the obvious scents?


Mugatu Musk

poodletail said...


Grant it, I don't know ST and only know Bill from his Priceline commercials but it seems to fit.

Manfred Allseasons said...

Kobayashi Maru...

... for the man who breaks the rules...

fresca said...

See? See what I mean?
Why didn't they ask you guys?
These are all f-ing brilliant ! ! !

Even someone like Cat who doesn't even *watch* ST can do better than "Red Shirt"!

T'Keid said...

I imagine Pon Farr has a heart of civet and musk, a midnote of perhaps vetiver and almond, with a top note of aromatic cardamom and cedarwood. Complex and compelling.

Tiberius: pine and rose brought together by ylang-ylang and embellished with bergamot, tonka, and leather. Conflicted: sweet yet commanding.

Jennifer said...

"Kobayashi Maru" has my vote for most awesome!

"Warp Speed" or "Warp Factor Nine" leap to mind. Um, "Starfleet"? "T'hy'la"? "Saurian Brandy"?

BTW, just re-watched "Day of the Dove" today. There's a moment after they beam the Klingons on board that totally made me think of you:

Kang [indicating lovely Klingon woman]: Mara, my science officer and wife.
[Cut to Kirk and Spock looking for all the world like "Oh, you're married to your science officer too?"]

T'Keid said...

"Beyond Antares"

"Logic" (a wreath of pretty flowers...)
"Nuage vampire"
"Charlie's Girl"

fresca said...

3 a.m. Can't sleep. And here are these fantastic comments to make me glad I got up out of bed!
[tidied up a bit and reposted five hours later]

T'KEID: I am floored by your perfumery genius!
I'd been wondering--idly--what aromas might make up good Star Trek perfumes, and here you've gone above and beyond.
I'm so impressed.
I had, of course, thought of musk for Pon Farr, and maybe ginger, but cardamom--wow... perfect! Such an ambiguous, mysetrious spice (is it sweet, as in Swedish baked goods? or savory, as in Indian curries?), and actually it's pretty much my favorite spice.
For Kirk, I was thinking something coconuty cut with maybe lemon? But,that seemed too much like a pie! Still, like you, I was thinking conflicted--heavy yet light.
How do you know these secret arts?

What's tonka? I looked it up and all I found was Tonka toys--trucks. Maybe that IS what you mean?

I had to look up "Scalosia," too, as it was just hovering on the edge of my brain.
Of course! The super-speeded up aliens whose water speeds Kirk up so he can take his boots off with Twinkly... *clears throat, says no more*

And Charlie's Girl! Too funny! Charlie X does give perfume to Janice Rand--I'll have to look that up, as I think she says what it is. Or do you remember?

Bit I have to admit, ( don't get "Nuage Vampire". Is that "nuage" as in "clouds"? I only know the salt vampire.

Speaking of which, I was thinking Red Shirt fragrance could smell like salt (for sweat) and vinegar (for fear), and --oh yeah--iron (blood).

JEN: Yeah, Kobayashi Maru is such a great idea, and comes with a snappy tag line too; but for me, it ties with Mugatu Musk, as I am very partial to the Mugatu (also envious, as I would love to don white fun fur, wrestle Kirk to the ground, and bite him!).

Along the lines of Warp Factor 9, I was thinking
"Love Potion No. 1701".
Hmmm...or just 1701, like Chanel No. 5.
It could have that new spaceship smell. (Naugehyde?)

I'd forgotten that exchange in "Day of the Dove," but when you remind me--thanks for that-- I recall that I had noticed it too! If they didn't know what they were up to, making that show, well... the Trickster sure did, and left his pawprints all over it.

fresca said...

P.S. Oh--never mind--found "tonka" as "tonka bean" described as having a "hay/caramel vanilla-ish scent, very soothing, very creamy."
I like my Tonka truck idea too! : )

T'Keid said...

Nuage Vampire: remember the killer cloud in Obsession? Kirk keeps smelling this sickly sweet smell right before it appears and drains the red shirts of all their blood?
Search for Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab. I've never bought any perfume from them but I love their descriptions.
I too LOVE cardamom... and I've been somewhat obsessed with what Spock would smell like. Texas cedarwood essential oil is something that comes close in my mind. The pine for Kirk is from a number of fanfics where he uses pine-scented shampoo.
Love "1701" as a cologne. Like 4711.

fresca said...

T'KEID: Oh, right! That cloud: I was thinking of "The Cloud Minders"--off on the wrong scent entirely!
Of course, and it even has a sweet odor.

I have written a little bit about what Kirk would smell/taste like. Spock I thought would be too coppery (like a penny) to be entirely pleasant. But cedarwood---that's good, and still sort of an odd scent.

Ah, fanfic... Pine-scented shampoo and tawny lions. : )

I had totally forgotten about 4711! I used to own some and loved it, many years ago.

Anyway, I have now bought some distilled water and vodka and am going to go essential oil shopping so I can brew up some "1701" for real.
I'm not quite set on a recipe--maybe I'll get some ideas from Black Phoenix--- but I do think something with cardamom--if I can find it as a ready-made essential oil.
I will report on my progress.
Thanks for your great ideas!

T'Keid said...

Hm but why should Spock smell any more like a penny than we smell like an iron skillet? Granted we do occasionally, but we don't as a rule go around smelling like blood.
I'm off to find some notes I made long ago about Vulcan and the sense of smell... if I find them I'll post on my blog...

fresca said...

T'KEID: I didn't really mean to insult Spock. I'd be happy to breathe him in, for sure!

I suspect we smell much more of iron and other minerals than we are aware of--we're just used to it. (Once in a while when I'm bleeding, I notice the iron odor... And when we sweat we smell like---what? salt and stuff...)

I think somewhere (a novelization or fanfic?), sometime, some Vulcan comments on having to tolerate the odor of humans.
Fun stuff to think on!