Thursday, August 21, 2008

My Inner-Hellboy Needs a Red Wagon

Twisted Rib writes about recognizing and incorporating the "bad child" parts of ourselves.
This is something I consciously, intentionally began to do after my mother's death, when I found myself beleaguered with sticky, icky bitterness, as sticky as tar in cigarette smoke.
When I finally tried to approach that bitter self with love, she appeared as a frightened girl-me.

This week, my inner child is Baby Hellboy.

If you know Hellboy, you know he is the spawn of Satan, but that, in fact, he is also the embodiment of free will.

In other words, through his choice *not* to serve Satan, he models the belief that biology alone is not destiny. Like Hellboy, we get to choose. But the choice takes some awareness. In other words, it's work. (No free lunch.)

(This--biology is not destiny-- was one of the tenets of 1970's feminism that oddly mirrors Catholic theology. There are others, but that's for another day. I guess "no free lunch" would count too.)

Anyway, ever since I've gotten back from Las Vegas Star Trek con, I've been housesitting or hosting other people at my place. Some part of me feels burdened and uncared for and is threatening to throw a hissy fit.

But after talking (writing) with Twisted Rib, it came clear to me:
Baby Hellboy need a present!

This is a tenet of MY spiritual life. People in pain and confusion need small gifties. (Words of praise and encouragement count.) Also, people who are feeling really well and confident can use them too. And in-between states? They also respond well to praise and gifts!

Maybe I would adapt the Dalai Lama's statement that his religion is kindness to:
"my religion is give small gifts."
Or maybe that's the same thing.

So, I asked my inner Hellboy, and he wants a red wagon.

Here is is, darling.
Just for you!
I love you.
Now, go play in the mud and leave me in peace for a bit.

5 comments:

Rudyinparis said...

Does Twisted Rib mean the bad-child things like "being bad" by societal standards, or is it "being bad" by our personal standards? These are two very different things (to me, anyway!)

Ahhh... your inner child is the spawn of Satan... interesting....

"Some part of me feels beleaguered and uncared for and threatens to throw a hissy fit." I feel this way a lot! I think it has something to do (for me) with being a Mom, with being bumped off my Take Care of Me pedestal by my children... I'm always searching for ways to satisfy this cranky person without resorting to simply buying something for her.

A hypothetical red wagon... I like it...

fresca said...

Hi R.
Oh, do read Twisted's post (on blogroll or click on the linnk in my post)--it's intense! And she explains it better than I could.

Only ONE of my inner children in Spawn of Satan! : )

I would think being a mom would totally piss off my inner child (some of them----some of them would be, like, dreamcometrue, little things to love!!!)
and I would need to soothe them with lots and lots of love and hypothetical gifties.
Also real life gifties.

Spirit and Matter are both real and both need/deserve loving attention.

Anonymous said...

aiaiaiyeeee! Why, oh why do I always check to see if you've posted something new and delicious and wondrous, Oh Goddess Frescadita? because i love you and i have time and access and you are helping me heal and breathe and live, I swear it! We need small kindnesses daily--random smiles from strangers on the streets, witticisms in the grocery store, couch cushions, staring at the clouds through great leafy elm arms, naps and face washing and little pieces of fruit. Rudy in Paris, I love you, too! It is so hard in our material world to find ways to take care of ourselves as mothers and others when we're in a hurry that don't involve purchasing stuff. I find humming, singing, chanting, familiar and learning new tunes helps. it's a great way to exercise our internal organs, too. I have the feeling my kids are older than yours, R in P; you sound very wise and aware. So, I guess my take on tonight's post is something like we need to play with our inner moms and children to find that healthy, peaceful, nurturing balance. Play is work is play ; this is art. Have fun! i hope this makes sense i feel muddle-headed slightly from learning new songs tonight..

Love Stefalala

twisted said...

What made me laugh most was the playing in the mud bit. Because that's exactly, but exactly, the example that came up recently about the difference between children who can *be* and adults who are so much driven to *do*. Mud. Don't you just love it?

fresca said...

Isn't there a song, "Mud, glorious mud!"?

Stef: you may feel muddle-headed, but your words are clear: play is work is play. Or would that it were...