"A Thread of Grieving"

This morning, doing a little blog clean up, I came across a few notes I'd jotted down about this movie among my unpublished drafts. I'd written them months ago, after someone told me she thought my writings about my mother's suicide were "too emotionally remote."

I didn't agree.
I told her she was used to overly sentimental representations, packaged to sell. In my eyes, most representations of the aftermath of suicide crank the emotion too high. Not that I've done a thorough study, partly because I don't have much stomach for seeing suicide treated with mawkish reverence or clinical sterility or sexed up awe, and that's mostly what I've encountered.

So, she asked me what I'd recommend that matched my experience.
The only movie I've seen that, in my eyes, got it 100% spot on was Love Liza (2002), starring the phenomenal Philip Seymour Hoffman.

He plays Wilson, whose wife, Liza, commits suicide and leaves a note, which he can't bring himself to read. Instead, he spend most of the movie inhaling gasoline fumes, to the point of passing out, for some kind of fucked up comfort. This is exactly how I felt after my mother's death.

I was so astonished, so grateful to see my blasted self depicted on screen, I almost bought a DVD of the movie, except I never want to watch it again. When Wilson finally reads Liza's letter at the end, well, as my sister said, love's not enough to save you, but you've got to have it.

Philip's brother Gordy Hoffman wrote the Love Liza screenplay. It's not based on his experience of someone he knew committing suicide but on a general awareness of loss. Gordy said, "Life is always a thread of grieving that never ends. It's not that we are always depressed or sad, it's just life..."

Yeah. I found I could understand people's pain about almost anything so much better after I myself no longer had any firm ground to stand on. (Pain is pain, it just varies in degree.)

Btw, the movie poster is misleading. A bizarre humor attends horror--but I would hardly call it "comic."

_________________

For more info on suicide prevention or help if you are struggling:

http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/# 
or
Call 1-800-273-8255

"The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals."
Outside of the United States, please visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention for a database of international resources.