laughter and tenderness

I had a fun day out, though it started with the nursing-home staff informing us that bink's mom has Covid after we'd walked into her room. She seemed well--up and alert. There was a notice posted on her door, but it was one of a couple pale Xeroxes crowded with print--I hadn't even registered it.

We were wearing masks, at least, and I expect/hope the exposure is nothing to worry about. An aide said we could stay and visit if we put on PPE, but we'd had time to say hi and to give her the little Xmas tree, and that was good enough. She clearly had no idea who I was--no flicker of recognition when I introduced myself, which wasn't surprising. She did light up when bink introduced herself though––"I'm your daughter...". (It can be good to remind people with dementia of who you are. Quizzing them, "Do you know who I am?"  may set them up for feeling they've failed.)

Then bink drove me to the grocery store, and I stocked up on everything to make holiday food. So nice to get a ride for heavy and bulky things like that!
The cashier was wearing a headband that dangled a piece of plastic mistletoe in front of her eyes, like those deep sea fishes dangle lanterns off their foreheads...

In the afternoon, I took the bus to the sci-fi bookstore Dreamhaven, where  a bumper sticker at their till made me laugh out loud:
STAR TREK: Woke Since 1966.
They weren't selling them--the owner had gotten it at a con--or I'd have bought one for my bike.

I bought the new Murderbot, another book as a gift, and Wil Wheaton's 2022 memoir Still Just a Geek [see, Wheaton's books website], an update-by-annotation of his 2004 Just a Geek.
I'd been one of "dozens of people" who'd read the original, by Wheaton's comical count and had "seemed to like it".

I'd never gotten into Star Trek: The Next Generation though, so I didn't know Wheaton's character, Wesley Crusher, well enough to have an opinion about him, much less to virulently hate him as many people did. Wheaton has written about how horrible it was for his character to receive so much hate and mockery. So I'd been moved recently to see Wesley appear briefly in the second season of ST: Picard (the season I loved best) in a cool and heroic, kind and wonderfully geeky way.
Yay, Wil, for bringing it home!

I've always admired how Wheaton has long chosen to be incredibly public, vulnerable, honest, and sincere on his blog, Wil Wheaton dot net--talking about his struggles with his "brain goblins" (mental health), his survival of abuse and "emotional smog" from his parents, the doubt and near-despair after leaving TNG, and also, all along, boldly sharing his joys and bravery and gratitude and love. What a geek!

Also, he loves me. He said so in this speech!

"Are there any librarians here today? How about booksellers? I love you."

Revisiting his memoir after almost twenty years, Wheaton said, was "uncomfortable, embarrassing, awkward, but ultimately healing and surprisingly cathartic", which I think is true of a lot of the personal writing he has shared online for years. Of updating it, he said:

“Many times during the process, I wanted to quit. I kept coming across material that was embarrassing, poorly-written, immature, and worst of all, privileged and myopic.

“. . . I physically recoiled from my own book. Those moments [of] privilege and [the] ignorance that fueled them filled me with shame and regret. They still do.”

I never did clean the apartment, but I'm not going to now--I'm going to read this book. Even as I'm thinking/writing lately more about Big Picture stuff on Earth, I never forget, I hope I never deny, that we each have our own tender selves to care for, and it matters that we do that. Otherwise, what's the point of being here?

So, yeah, just glancing at Wil's book was a good reminder. Everything connects, it's not always obvious how, it's not all going to resolve when you want it to (or, maybe, ever), but your life matters, you're a piece of the whole.
Keep 'er moving!