I spent most of yesterday, Christmas Day, with Mz.
For a late breakfast, we had scrambled eggs and toast made in her new toaster (I'd gotten it at the thrift store), which she'd left here. Then we walked around the lake and went to see a new movie--
Vice about vice president Dick Cheney.
In record time, it joined my list of Movies I Left.
It starts with a notice, yellow words on the black screen:
This is a true story.
Then, below it, come the lines, something like:
At least as true as it could be, given that
Dick Cheney is the most secretive politician ever.
And another line:
But we tried our fucking best.
OMG. Is this supposed to be daring and clever?
Are you twelve? Or, do you think we are (twelve, not clever)?
Are you twelve? Or, do you think we are (twelve, not clever)?
I turned to Mz and whispered, "Is this going to be a bad movie?"
She said, "Let's wait and see."
Four minutes later, she whispered, "Yes, this is a bad movie,"
and we got up and left.
We hadn't even finished our popcorn.
During that five minutes, another banner came on the screen:
"Watch out for silent men. They wait, they listen, and then they strike." --Anonymous
ANONYMOUS???
You just made that lame quote up!
You just made that lame quote up!
And there was an almost constant voice-over, explaining everything. It was very odd. Everything signaled that this movie was badly made, despite a stellar cast, who I was almost sorry to leave.
The thing that made me eager to leave was that awful things flash on the screen with no warning. For instance, Cheney is walking down a hall and you see a second or two of a naked prisoner cowering (in Abu Ghraib?).
Administering random shocks is not a substitute for story-telling.
Administering random shocks is not a substitute for story-telling.
I don't think I've ever walked out of a movie so quickly.
We looked up reviews afterward, and lots of people confirmed that the movie does not get better after five minutes.
Most of the episode is simply different crew members talking (on "comlink") to an offscreen starship captain who is marooned alone on a barren planet. She has enough air to survive five days, and it's going to take our crew six to reach her, but they try anyway.
They, and we, never see her face.
Like most of Star Trek, this episode looks kind of cheap, the acting is uneven, and it's not particularly well written––but it has a gripping central idea.
It provided such a contrast to Vice:
a good story, simply told, wins by a mile over high-production quality and flashy editing.
Glad I didn't make it to Vice! I had even remarked to a friend on Christmas Eve that I didn't see any movies that I really wanted to go see on Christmas Day. His reply was "nope, can't think of any."
ReplyDeleteThat used to be so fun on Christmas-open presents and go see a movie.
Kirsten
I enjoyed watching Aquaman with daughter and grandson last night. The CG work was fantastic, the acting was a bit better than usual for this genre, plus it was fun to be with family.
ReplyDeleteLast week, daughter and I saw Mary Poppins. Don't go see it expecting it to be better than the original and you might like it. We liked it because we sat there remembering the original and the almost similar scenes in the new one.
I think they could have left out the whole thing about the Royal Doulton bowl, because they didn't tie up that loose end...and loose ends always bother the heck out of me, especially if that make a big production (no pun intended) out of it!
Thanks for the heads up on Vice. Kareema and I thought it might be good to see...based only on the trailers we saw, which gave no hint it might be garbage.
Thanks for the advisory.
ReplyDeleteThat’s one less movie I need to watch.
ReplyDeleteThere’s something annoyingly macho about that use of the word. I cringe when I see it: “So-and-so is f——g killing it.”
Did you finish eating your popcorn on the walk home?
ReplyDeleteKIRSTIN: I used to go to the movies on Xmas Day with my mother. So fun! Not so many I want to see these days (I've gotten pickier).
ReplyDeleteCROW! Happy Holidays, Crow (New Year's Now)!
We almost went to Aquaman, which was also playing--would have been a better bet.
I'm interested to see Lin Manuel Miranda, so might go see Mary Poppins just for that.
The preview for Vice is good! Far better than the movie--it should maybe come with a warning for people with war-related PTSD.
SPARKER: You're welcome.
MICHAEL: In this case, it seemed juvenile--not even up to the level of macho! A lose, either way.
POODLE: Marz took the popcorn, home and later I saw the empty bag in the trash---but I never saw her eating it. Sneaky girl!