I just learned from Margaret's blog that 2010 is the year of the tiger. Specifically, a white tiger. This connects with my recent baffling desire to live dangerously...
I don't think that's really going to mean jumping out of airplanes. What feels "dangerous"--or tigerlike--to me lately is choosing to keep learning moviemaking by myself, despite the well-intentioned advice of several people that I take classes. I don't want to take classes.
My goal is not to create excellent films. I don't even have a goal. I want to play, and for me that means making stuff up, like I did when I was a kid.
When I was a kid, our Lego kit was just a box of Lego building blocks. I think it may have included a sheet of ideas ("create a castle"), but Lego didn't even make kits with predetermined outcomes like Star Wars Outpost.
That's how I see moviemaking: Here's a camera. Go play with it.
Clever woman, the could looks like a profile contemplating the moon. The taking classes thing I think is...iit's what middle-aged women are SUPPOSED to do, that is, put themselves in the position of being children with a parental substitute.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I thought taking classes for a woman in midlife was viewed as empowering, renewing, courageous even. Be that as it may, I second the motivation to explore, to play. Classes usually have an agenda to give one marketable skills. This does take the play out of it, no doubt.
ReplyDeleteI never saw the insecurity either, Fresca, though I didn't react negatively. I admired what I thought was your security in who you were. Funny how little we know people we know, sometimes. So far midlife is the best phase ever for me, that is, post midlife crisis. I recommend it.
As a woman at midlife, I think taking classes can either be empowering OR infantilizing, depending...
ReplyDeleteFor me, Art Sparker hit on something--I indeed felt that the people who suggested I take filmmaking classes were implying, "What you're doing isn't valid unless you learn to do it properly, from An Expert."
I suppose I'm extra sensitive to this implication, growing up in academia as I did, which values intellectual knife play.
I want to take care not to expose my tender self to that slashing, judging energy.
LiLL:
I'm with you: midlife is a blessing!
Thanks for mirroring me: I suppose I had carved out enough space for me to be me that I didn't project a lot of insecurity. And even though I was insecure, it was always my intention to be braver and learn to be less afraid.
P.S. ArtS: I hadn't even noticed the face in the cloud!
ReplyDeleteThanks for pointing it out.
That's a really beautiful/magical photo.
ReplyDeleteAbout the biggest and most superb construction either of my offspring produced with the lego was the famous Space Toilet. Not something any instruction manual ever has, nor will be I suspect, produced. I think neither has ever constructed whatever boring object the kit was supposed to produce. I'm totally with you on the film thing.
ReplyDelete(PS If this comment works... hurrah! I think some script thing on my browser has been preventing them from showing up previously)
Hi, RR:
ReplyDeleteYour comment came through, but I haven't seen you in these parts for quite a while, so yes, maybe your browser ate your comments? It's nice to "see" you.
The Space Toilet!!! That is so funny. Your boys are geniuses. Just cause the instructions exist doesn't mean we have to follow them.