The Diversion of Dating

A pal is having girlfriend troubles.
He told me, "If I were you, I'd rethink getting married."

LOL!
I tell ya, people's reactions to my joining a dating site are all over the map.
One romantic coworker got tears in her eyes, she was so excited for me. 
Others react as if I'm putting myself in harm's way: "Don't do it!"

I. Surrender, Dorothy

I had a bad moment when the dating site triggered my body shame, but that passed. 
Mostly I'm finding it a fascinating social study... and sometimes a hoot.

I've only had a few responses--it looks like the potter hasn't read my message (yet?). (GZ, I did think of you when I saw he was a potter!)

One fellow messaged just this:

Bridges of Madison County

Yeah, yeah, very clever. The heroine has my name. 
I heard that a lot ... twenty-five years ago.

Guys? We are not in the '90s anymore.

Another fellow and I wrote back and forth about books three times.
Fun!!!
Again, I realize how much I miss conversations that weave in books and movies.

But, twice in three messages this guy told me he "surrenders to a book as to a lover."

If you repeat such a phrase, I have to wonder, 
Is that code? 

(I wouldn't mention lovers right away, but if I did, I would say "swept away by" not "surrender to".)

I'm not condemning the guy, who seems great in many ways.
But... I take heed of what John at Going Gently blogged about trusting his dating instincts:

"We all have baggage in our fifties, we all know what we do want and certainly what we don't want.
In my case, I think I read situations much better than I did in my salad days."

Yes, me too. John's reminder was well-timed for me.
Whatever the repitition of the "surrender" phrase means, it creeped me out. I'm going to listen to myself here.

Also, this guy likes historical fiction--specifically Dorothy Dunnett. I don't like historical fiction, usually, but it's not a deal-breaker. We had one of Dunnett's books at work, so I took it home.
Surrender? 
Within the first few paragraphs, I felt ploughed under.*

II. "Kindness & Generosity"

On the dating site, I saw someone I've met and liked--a clerk at the post office near the thrift store.

I mail our eBay packages and my personal mail there, and I've chatted with this guy over a couple years.
He's so kind and patient with everybody, it's attractive. I've even wished we could talk a little longer. That's certainly not possible now, when lines at the p.o. stretch out the door since the other two post offices in the area got torched.

He said in his dating profile that "kindness and generosity" are key to a happy life.
This morning I got a "like" from him. 
He didn't write anything, it was just one of those messages generated by the site when you "like" someone's profile.

I wrote and asked if he recognized me--"We're work neighbors!"
And I went on about how important kindness & generosity are at my job, and how much I love books. 

I get the feeling he's a people person, not a book person.
But who knows?

I want all three, but if I had to choose, I'd take kindness & generosity in a partner over reading.

III. "How can one keep warm alone?"

All in all, this is being a fun distraction, if nothing else.
It's triggered some good things: that I feel good about myself, to begin with:
I am NOT stuck in the 90s, or unable to take a photo in focus. I am judgmental, yes, but also fundamentally kind and generous.
I would date me!

But also, I see that I need more people in my life--friends, face to face. Working alone for fifteen years, I got too isolated. People moved, or died. Friendships withered or blew up.

I do love my coworkers, but I don't want to spend time with them outside of work. And I love my blog friends, but, you know, if I fell down, you guys couldn't help me up... 

The bit from Ecclesiastes always cracked me up, it's so basic. Enough with the highfalutin romance:

Two are better than one. ....If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.

¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?

A very Minnesotan question.
_____________________________________

* From Dorothy Dunnett

"The attackers came from behind a copse. But for the snow, she would have seen them more quickly. She was riding so fast that the flying flakes made a tunnel, obscuring everything.
Then she saw racing towards her a crowd of glittering shapes, the long Roman noses of horses; the studded ellipses of shields. She screamed a warning and dragged her horse round, as the others jostled behind her. The wagons halted askew. And she saw, far behind, another troop of alien horse, approaching fast and spread to encircle her.

"She turned her horse round and round, alarmed and angry. The snow, lifting, showed the wall of a steading with behind it, an orchard, a byre, and a big, solid house with closed shutters. Through open gates, the yard showed the slush of much recent trampling; there was a child’s swing in the corner, and a hobbyhorse.
The Queen of Cyprus said, “There!” and, whip-hand working set her mare to make for the gates. …
“Open!” she said. “We are the Queen of Cyprus and we command your assistance.”

 A-ha! There it is, the queen is commanding. Surrender!

I'm sorry, but I could read no more.