Tuesday, August 16, 2011

How to Buy Forks, and Other Unpremeditated Thoughts on How to Be a Grup

Grup: In the Star Trek episode "Miri", the people who are dying because they have passed the age of puberty.

For our purposes, let's assume you don't DIE of the condition, but you do find yourself in the weird position Marz finds herself in:
reaching a life stage where, for the first time, you have to buy your own FORKS!

So, in an unpremeditated sort of way, we decided to outline how to find forks.

1. Buy food that requires forks, to push you into taking this step.
Pizza and cereal won't do it.

2. So, um, buy some, like... meat!
[Fresca says this will also require a knife, but Marz says, No! just think of one thing at a time!
If you get thinking about knives, you will get silverware paralysis.

If you find you have bought meat, such as steak, that turns out to require a knife to eat, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT YET. You can borrow one from a neighbor.
We are just concentrating on forks now.]

Fresca suggests cooking the meat.
Marz says, No! That's a different problem. Don't think about that yet.

3. Don't think about knives or cooking.

4. Do something that has symbolic power.
This step will depend on the individual, but, off the top of our heads, we think something along the lines of a little dance, perhaps? {F's idea}
Or, Marz had in mind throwing something off the porch.

5. Get up and leave the house, in search of forks.
Though you might accidentally find them, it helps to set your intention.

6. Also--it helps to have more than one approach--use your social network.
Post on Facebook, for instance, that you need forks. Someone might give them to you!

7. You may encounter some resistance within yourself at this point, when you are on the verge of becoming a fork owner.
You may think, "I'm going to have to become the sort of person who people will expect to have multiple forks at any time."

8. If the resistance is too intense, back off.
Go back to your spoon (which you have so you can eat cold cereal). The forks can wait until another day.

9. Don't despair. You will get forks, eventually, or forks will come to you.
Or, if you don't, remember, people have lived without forks before. For much of history, in fact.

10. If you do find yourself despairing, think of other people in history who have managed to do this Grup fork thing. Rocky, for instance. If Rocky can somehow procure and own forks, so can you.

[Oh, wait. Did he have forks, Frex wonders? Well, I don't know, but he had a glass, which is symbolically equivalent.]

10. That's about it, then. Yep. That's all we can think of right now.

Good luck!
P.S. Marz has not yet procured her forks.

P.P.S. Frex is approaching job hunting similarly.

P.P.P.S. This just in: Art Sparker's "Free and Street Legal" take on forks!


Clowncar said...

sporks? too stressful?

ArtSparker said...

Heh, just came over to do a more thorough reading and with the intention of linking.

Anonymous said...

Just skip the western barbarities and bounce on over to a Chinese or Vietnamese grocery on Eat Street and buy a mess of chopsticks. Prettier 'n' cooler than forks...but usually can't double of old-style makeshift t. v. antennae as can a metal fork.
Ah, fork-it, sistahs!



femminismo said...

I read Artsparker and then you. What is it with forks? You could substitute any other word (well, a lot of them) for fork. Too funny! We never have enough of them when company comes, what with dinner and then dessert. Cheers. Good to see you blogging.

yvette said...

me too first artsparker then you... forks....I wonder where this simultaneously thoughts come from.......


momo said...

As I recall, my first cutlery came from the Good Will. When I moved to Minnesota, my mother came to visit, and she was very agitated by the fact that I was 30 and none of my forks matched. She insisted on buying me a set of utensils. Were it not for her, I believe I would still not have matching anything in my silverware drawer. I'm sure if I think long enough I can find a parallel to my approach to job searches.
Oh, I did buy a fork/knife/spoon set made of wood at the co-op that comes in a little cloth sheath with a clip so you can carry them around and use them instead of plastic utensils. They live at my office.

Annika said...

Have I mentioned how much I love the pair of you? You are greater than the sum of your parts.

I'm bad at shopping that involves a lot of choices, myself, and the solution is, generally, to limit them. If I'd have to start over and buy a set of forks, I'd go to a charity shop or to Ikea. Only go to ONE place and take whatever they have there, forget for the moment that there are other shops.

Chopsticks, as suggested by earlier commenters, is a good option, too.

Francesca Davis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fresca said...

CLOWN: Sporks are already in residence, leftover from the Camino.
But not enuf for an 8-person dinner party.

SPARKY: I love that you posted about forks too!

STEF: Forks or chopsticks, the existential question is the same.
But nice idea.

FISMO & Yvette: We owe much to the Sparker, eh?

MOMO: Matching? The forks are supposed to match? Oh, no, another layer of complexity.

ANNIKA: I love the pair of us too, thanks for saying.
And I love limiting options too---recently read that it's easier to choose between 3 things than between 2. Makes sense to me. And even harder to choose between 30 things.