Sunday, April 10, 2011

The "Name Ten Fictional Characters You Would Have Sex With" Meme

I've been meaning to do this meme ever since Mrs. Conclusion compiled her list and 6 out of 10 of her choices were Captain Kirk.

On my completely honest list, 10 out of 10 of my choices would be Kirk, but I decided to dredge up 9 others, since I think you all already know that.

Still, he has to be no. 1.
Jim Kirk is the only fictional character for whom I feel plain old animal lust I can imagine acting on IRL. (But not Shatner, it would really have to be the captain.) I wouldn't even want to have a relationship other than physical with him. Talk to each other? Why bother.

2. Not really lust, but I've always been a bit in love with David Copperfield, despite his priggishness. But in film, I think the adult David has always been miscast.
Jeremy Northam (left, in the ridiculous Possession) would make a fine Copperfield (based on the author, Charles Dickens, right)._____________________

3. An intelligent investigative reporter is often a turn on, in fiction anyway. Lili Taylor, whose intelligence is always attractive to me, has never been sexier than in Prêt-à-Porter/Ready to Wear when her (lesbian) journalist character repies to some fashionista's complaint that journalists always ask fluffy questions by asking [paraphrase],
"OK, then. What do you think about the fact that textile production for the fashion industry is responsible for two-thirds of water pollution in the developing world?"This picture doesn't do the character justice, but it's the only one I could find.

4. Handsome, dashing, wryly funny, and able to cook you a nice piece of fish: Robert Donat as Richard Hannay, in The Thirty-Nine Steps (1935, A. Hitchcock). Implicated in a dastardly plot by soon-to-be-murdered spy Lucie Mannheim (below, top), he ends up running around Scotland handcuffed to Madeleine Carroll (below, bottom).

5. Oh, wait... for animal lust, how could I forget Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing? I love that this sensual scene where he's teaching Jennifer Grey to dance is silly (she keeps laughing when he strokes her side) as well as steamy.

6. Fludd, the mysterious, seductive and liberating character in Hilary Mantel's novel of the same name. Is he a priest, the devil, a reincarnation of the real 17th cent. mystical cosmologist Robert Fludd?
None of the other characters can quite recall his face when he's not there. Or even, really, when he is.
Images, The Great Darkness and The Appearance of Light from Robert Fludd's The Macrocosm, 1617 & 1618, from here.

7. I went looking for a picture of Alan Tudyk as Wash, the lovely, doofy pilot on Firefly (the blond guy in the Hawaiian shirt; he plays with toy dinosaurs), but when I came across the entire cast of characters, I thought, aw, come on, how can I discriminate against the others? I'm sure they'd all be fun in bed, except uptight Simon and his fractured sister River (the two on the far right).

8. Well, Augustine was a real person, of course, but his autobiographical Confessions reads like a novel, and surely is reconstituted reality with a spin, like Dickens's David Copperfield or Stephen Colbert's "Stephen Colbert," so I'm claiming "Augustine" as a fictional character I would sleep with (before he went too, too overboard with religion). Super smart, funny, intense, and we know he liked sex. And, being from Algeria, had ample access to olive oil and figs...
The Conversion of Saint Augustine, by Fra Angelico.

9. Philip Seymour Hoffman as the brave, tender hospice nurse in Magnolia. He even looks after the dogs of the dying.

10. I see that some of my choices are the alter egos of an artist or writer. In , sexy Guido (Marcello Mastroianni, center) is the onscreen personna of director Federico Fellini (left). Creative power is sexy, whatever the creators look like. (I don't know what film is being filmed here, but probably not --Sophia Loren wasn't in that.)


Clowncar said...

ah, we have one in common. sort of. kaylee from firefly. since you included the entire cast there on your list.

btw, I had a discussion with a couple old friends in LA last month about Magnolia, and how when the characters start singing that aimee mann song is such an arresting moment. love that movie. love. it.

mrs conclusion said...

Awww! Finally, your version! :D
I went and took a look at my old post - since you linked to it - and was all nostalgic. It was the first time we talked! I'm so glad you thought it worth a comment back then!

Agreed about the Firefly cast. But Inara is missing in the picture...

Margaret said...

In 10. Fellini looks like a version of Kirk. So add him to my list!

Daisy Copperfield!
I don't think I was in love with him, but I loved the way he was in love with people.

"Creative power is sexy, whatever the creators look like" reminded me of "Fuck Me, Ray Bradbruy", the YT music vid. Have you seen?
"Gene Roddenberry" is one more syllable than "Ray Bradbury", but close enough.

Fresca said...

CLOWN: Kaylee is the darlingest representation of someone with a "sex positive" attitude--remember when she sniffs Inara's bed and says something about how so much fun was had there?

"Magnolia" is the only one of Paul Thomas Anderson's films I like. (Tho I haven't seen "There Must Be Oil.")

MRS. C: Wow, that was Jan -09, two years ago! So glad we met!

I don't actually like Inara--she's so overly mannered. Not rumpled enough. To me, she doesn't seem like she'd be fun, she seems like she'd be skilled.

MARZ: Fellini said he liked people with appetite--he would have like Shatner, I bet.

Daisy. So drippy. Mostly I love him for his struggles to become a writer.
Thanks for the youtube tip--you see I posted it today.

Courtney said...

I can't think of an exact order but I'll give you 10:

Devo Nod (I Love you to Death)
James Wright (The Thing Called Love)
Danny Pope (Running on Empty)
Jack Dawson (Titanic)
Jimmy Meltrigger (Roseanne)
Tommy Solomon (Third Rock from the Sun)
Carl Arbogast (Sneakers, 1992 film)
Private Boone (MASH film)
Brewster McCloud (from the 1970 film)

AND my number one! The character I want to have sex with most of all: Harold Chasen (Harold & Maude)!!!!

Fresca said...

COURTNEY: Thanks for your fun list, especially the inclusion of Harold!!! ["Chasen"...gosh, I'd forgotten his last name--interesting one too, eh?] He's an awesome--and most unexpected--- choice!