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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

How to Buy Forks, and Other Unpremeditated Thoughts on How to Be a Grup

Grup: In the Star Trek episode "Miri", the people who are dying because they have passed the age of puberty.

For our purposes, let's assume you don't DIE of the condition, but you do find yourself in the weird position Marz finds herself in:
reaching a life stage where, for the first time, you have to buy your own FORKS!

So, in an unpremeditated sort of way, we decided to outline how to find forks.

1. Buy food that requires forks, to push you into taking this step.
Pizza and cereal won't do it.

2. So, um, buy some, like... meat!
[Fresca says this will also require a knife, but Marz says, No! just think of one thing at a time!
If you get thinking about knives, you will get silverware paralysis.

If you find you have bought meat, such as steak, that turns out to require a knife to eat, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT YET. You can borrow one from a neighbor.
We are just concentrating on forks now.]

Fresca suggests cooking the meat.
Marz says, No! That's a different problem. Don't think about that yet.
So...

3. Don't think about knives or cooking.

4. Do something that has symbolic power.
This step will depend on the individual, but, off the top of our heads, we think something along the lines of a little dance, perhaps? {F's idea}
Or, Marz had in mind throwing something off the porch.

5. Get up and leave the house, in search of forks.
Though you might accidentally find them, it helps to set your intention.

6. Also--it helps to have more than one approach--use your social network.
Post on Facebook, for instance, that you need forks. Someone might give them to you!

7. You may encounter some resistance within yourself at this point, when you are on the verge of becoming a fork owner.
You may think, "I'm going to have to become the sort of person who people will expect to have multiple forks at any time."

8. If the resistance is too intense, back off.
Go back to your spoon (which you have so you can eat cold cereal). The forks can wait until another day.

9. Don't despair. You will get forks, eventually, or forks will come to you.
Or, if you don't, remember, people have lived without forks before. For much of history, in fact.

10. If you do find yourself despairing, think of other people in history who have managed to do this Grup fork thing. Rocky, for instance. If Rocky can somehow procure and own forks, so can you.

[Oh, wait. Did he have forks, Frex wonders? Well, I don't know, but he had a glass, which is symbolically equivalent.]

10. That's about it, then. Yep. That's all we can think of right now.

Good luck!
P.S. Marz has not yet procured her forks.

P.P.S. Frex is approaching job hunting similarly.

P.P.P.S. This just in: Art Sparker's "Free and Street Legal" take on forks!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Let the Job Search Commence!

I've been home from Camino for a month. It is time to get cracking on finding a job!
And Marz too.
We have officially enrolled in the C-Kape Plan:
job hunt by day, watch movies by night.