Thursday, October 7, 2010

Blog Is Three

LEFT: Me, disheveled at Bob's, where I started this blog three years ago today.

A few random thoughts.

When I started, it'd been almost five years since my mother killed herself, and I was still dragging her death around. It's fallen away somewhat, and I can see her again, the person, unobscured by her death.
I dreamed I saw her recently. She looked at me, smiled, said, "Hello, Francesca."
That's all.
It was stunning. I hadn't heard her voice in almost eight years, and there it was.

Last week, my Frindian ms came back from the editor, who took out much of what I thought was most interesting. (Too gory, too many Indians. WTF?) I lobbied to keep some of it in, but the publisher has the final say, so I don't know.
I'm not really liking writing on assignment. Even though the topics (now, the history of communications) are interesting, it's like writing with blinders and hobbles.

I'm meeting with a couple friends next Sunday with the idea of forming a writing group, especially to encourage one another to send our writing out for publication. Not sure this would ever be lucrative, but maybe I'd rather do nonwriting paid work that leaves my brain free so I can just write here.
I like myself as a blogger.
I like other bloggers.
(Facebook, not so much, though bink's DVD to ART project proves how effective it is as a communication tool.)

I like being middle-aged. A lot.
Despite the usual ups and downs, I am calmer, more sure in myself. I go off (e.g. when the pastor fired bink, a real Sicilian rage blew through) but I come back to center sooner--clear about what I think and feel, not so buffeted by the winds of emotion, and therefore more able to do what I want.
This is great! It's like farming in the Dust Bowl--you want your fertile top soil to stay on the ground so you can use it, not always be up in the air.
It's not a loss of passion, it's a gain of clarity.

Going to donate blood for the second time this Saturday. You may remember, I almost fainted twice the first time. It's a disgusting feeling, nothing like graceful movie fainting. But it's such a good thing to do, I'll do it again.
Captain Kirk would.

Thinking about turning fifty in March... want to write more about that. But not now. I'm writing a couple indexes and later I'm meeting bink at the art college to film her cutting slits into the DVDs on a bandsaw. I hope to create a little documentary of this whole project.

Oh! Jut yesterday, some business-owners gave bink free use of a wonderful empty storefront (in the Uptown) to build and show her project!
A big space with lots of windows, ...perfect for an opening night party.
Will keep you posted.

Happy Birthday to l'astronave. Thank you all for being here.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey! I am just gonna quick respond to a coupla things here cuz I'm still skimming your blog--(and, these are not in order of urgency):

HAPPY BLOG-I-VERSARY!!! AND THANK YOU DEEPLY FOR PERSISTING AND KEEPING SO MANY OF US NOURISHED HERE!

MEETING MAMA IN DREAMS: I GET IT. PART OF THE PROCESS OF CONTINUITY. THOSE WHO GO BEFORE US ARE ALWAYS WITH US; OUR PERCEPTION JUST CAN"T FATHOM IT ALL MOST OF THE TIME...

"MISATIO" IS THE VERIWORD OF THE SECOND; I THINK IT IS AN ANCIENT CURSE FOR FOLKS WHO HURT OTHER FOLKS BY DESIGN, BY PRIVILEGE AND BY WHATEVER OTHER BAD-ISMS. COSMIC PAYBACK FOR BADNESS TO LIFE ON OUR MOTHER---OR AM I BEING TOO BAD MYSELF FOR THINKIN' THIS? SO, MISATIO IS WHAT HAPPENS TO FOLKS LIKE RACIST EDITORS/PUBLISHERS AND PEOPLE WHO HURT OTHERS THRU RELIGIOUS DOGMA, AMONG ALL OF US...

ANYTHING THAT CAN BE DONE TO INDICATE EXPECTATIONS THAT A PARTICULAR PUBLISHING HOUSE INSURES CULTURALLY SPECIFIC INTELLIGENCE IN ITS CURRENT AND FUTURE PUBLICATIONS? I WILL NOT DO ANYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES UNLESS YOU TELL ME, FIRST. I'VE TRIED SO HARD OVER THE YEARS TO RE-EDUCATE AND EDUCATE MYSELF AND MY DAUGHTERS WITH TRUTH TO POWER AGAINST THE TONS OF LIES TAUGHT AS "HISTORY". IT"S PATHETIC AND ENRAGING TO LEARN THAT A CERTAIN HOUSE THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED IS AN EAGER PARTICIPANT IN PERPETRATING/PERPETUATING MORE LIES. A MEAL WITH YOU SOON AS YOU WANT TO SHARE IDEAS?...

PPLEASSSE PPLLLEEASSSSE!! YOU AND BINK WEAR PROTECTIVE GEAR WHEN SHE DOES HER DVD-SLASHING!! I DON"T TRUST THE INDUSTRIAL AND HOMOPHOBIC DUST AND SHRAPNEL!!

Love!

Stefalala

ArtSparker said...

Sometimes having restrictions can help creative expressivity, as in providing motivation to commit same. Happy anniversary!

Margaret said...

3 years!
A snail is capable of sleeping for 3 years. (BUT, is a snail capable of blogging for 3 years?)

Happy Birthday to your blog, and thanks for documenting D to A, blood-giving, writing (xciting about the group), Kirk's flamenco/gogo boots, milkweed pods, etc. etc. etc. ETC!

deanna said...

Happy Birthday, dear l'astronave. Blogging would simply not be the same without you. :o)

All the best with the writing group.

I still can't believe I found a nonwriting, nonprofit, mostly nonpolitical job linked to the cause I linked myself to years ago, and now in middle age I get to appraise the pros and cons of the group, perhaps write about my thoughts someday. Maybe something similar will happen for you, but may it be right for you when/if it does.

Krista said...

Happy blogiversary! Blogs are such useful little beasts. After all, they let us find each other and become friends!

poodletail said...

Happy blog-day, Fresca.

momo said...

feliz blogidad!

What a lovely dream.

Fresca said...

STEF: Well, I hope curses won't be called for---I made a good case and hope the editor will see reason.

SPARKY: I guess sometimes "No, not this" is the best answer we can receive.

MRET: Here's to "ETC" !!!

DEANNA: Thanks! I thought of you when I asked pals to form a writing group, knowing you'd had good experience with yours.
And, yeah, I'd like a job like yours (tailored to me, of course).

KRISTA: Amazing that we became face friends through this medium. UNtil you had to go and move away...

POODLE & MOMO: THank you!!!

bink said...

Cheers to the best blog on the planet!

femminismo said...

Happy late birthday, dear blog (and Fresca). Writing is great when no one edits. I was just musing on editors after I (finally) finished "Reading Lolita in Tehran" and Nafisi "raptured on" about her editor, finally understanding why other writers end up doing that. I guess if you get a good one they put in even more Indians and bloodshed! Remember, if your writing group really wants to get into the words, Nanowrimo is coming up the first minute of November. I am going for it this year again. It's time!